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 Jokes (Not for the easily offended)

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RidleyKills
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Tue Jan 11, 2011 4:49 pm

HK BizkiT wrote:
a little boy runs up to his mother, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Leaf?"
His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".

The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".

The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".

hahaha biz that actually made me lol

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Tue Oct 11, 2011 6:59 am

Im gonna blame Andi for anything i post in here from today....

So New York has built a 'Park in the sky' then?

Hope it works better than their 'Airport in a skyscraper' idea.




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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Tue Oct 11, 2011 7:11 am

You may hate paedophiles, but at least they drive slowly when passing schools.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Tue Oct 11, 2011 7:13 am

I went to a paedophilia convention the other day. It was crap, the only people there were fucking children.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Tue Oct 11, 2011 7:23 am

My daughter came home yesterday and announced that she wanted to become a vegetarian. I pride myself on always giving the kids a leg up where I can. After smashing her around the head repeatedly with a cricket bat, my daughter was dribbling nicely.

Imagine my horror when my wife came home and pointed out that I had confused vegetarian with vegetable. Oh how we laughed on the way to A&E.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Tue Oct 11, 2011 7:24 am

Can't believe I just drove through a red light opposite the police station...

In my defence I was pretty fucking pissed though.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Tue Oct 11, 2011 8:31 am

BBC News: Somalis guilty of US ship attack.

Be more specific, how many Ali's was it?

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:09 am

I was struggling with carrying a box into my house when a lepper offered me a hand

He came back and picked it up later that day

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:13 am

It took me a long time to lose my virginity.

That little bitch was a fast runner.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Tue Oct 18, 2011 1:37 am

After getting picked on by a few lads at college, my mum offered to go down and sort it out.

Now they can't bully me for never having a blowjob any more.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Wed Oct 19, 2011 8:27 am

In school, we had an assembly on bullying. The teacher spoke about a young gay boy, being bullied because of his sexuality.

She spoke in length about his life, and the verbal abuse he suffers. She then asked a question, 'How do you think he takes it?'

Apparently, 'Up the arse!' wasn't a suitable answer.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Wed Oct 19, 2011 8:31 am

When people with lisps say "Bithneth", you know they mean business.


I actually laughed at that one

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Wed Oct 19, 2011 8:33 am

I am so stressed out, the baby won't stop crying.

Probably misses its family.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:54 pm

HK BizkiT wrote:
When people with lisps say "Bithneth", you know they mean business.


I actually laughed at that one

That one deserves a lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Fri Oct 21, 2011 3:56 am

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.


like perfect

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Fri Oct 21, 2011 7:52 am

Having a row with the missus the other day about how her best friends relationship is better than ours.

"Jake takes Ellie out once a week for a meal, gets get flowers every now and then to surprise her and has sex with her at least twice a week. Why can't you do that?"

"Because I don't fucking like Ellie"

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:50 am

I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:51 am

When a man ejaculates, he comes at twenty miles per hour.

Which means it's perfectly safe to hit a child.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:20 am

Last week Evra accuses suarez of racism ... More controversy this week as the whole Man U squad accuse Man City of rape

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Fri Oct 28, 2011 3:08 am

I took a health and safety course the other day.
One of the questions was, "What kind of steps would you take in the event of a fire?"

Apparently, "VERY FUCKING BIG ONES" is not the corect answer.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Fri Oct 28, 2011 3:10 am

I called my doctor today and told him I broke my leg in two places.
He answered, "Never go back to those places again!!!"

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Fri Oct 28, 2011 5:14 am

sometimes your jokes are just terrible
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Fri Oct 28, 2011 6:29 am

xMr Poisoned

best joke ever

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes (Not for the easily offended)   Fri Oct 28, 2011 6:30 am

i know right?
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